Blog Posts
A relationship is not just an encounter between people; we shape others and others shape us, more so in a loving relationship.
Albert Camus phrased it beautifully when he wrote that “if those whom we begin to love could know us as we were before meeting them … they could perceive what they have made of us”.
…Ubuntu is a Zulu concept meaning humanity, it is often translated as I am because we are.
Although, a much broader idea than how I use it here, it made me think about what it means to be an individual in a meaningful relationship – by meaningful I mean a relationship that influences and shapes the idea of who I am as a person.
To me, this is how two (or more) separate ‘I’s make a ‘we’ and how in turn, a strong ‘we’ will nurture a person’s sense of who he or she is.
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Because I find it a richer way to engage with the erotic and sexual in us and in our romantic relationships. Yes, we can ask someone to have sex with us and they may say yes or no but this to me is a narrow conversation; a request misses the liveliness, excitement and anticipation that are part of flirting, being curious, imaginative and express what we like or dislike and share fantasies.
Seduction goes beyond consent and refusal, it invites us to be playful, a deep emotion that is often neglected in adulthood.
Seduction invites both (or more) partners to
…Here is a quote that made me think of the meaning of commitment and responsibility in relationships, regardless of status, married or not, same sex or heterosexual
“The job of the wife is to make a man of the boy she married; it is the job of the husband to make a woman of the girl he married”.
The way to do accomplish this is to behave as if they already are.
This takes me back to the words of Johann Wolfgang von Goethe:
“If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain how he is. But if you
…The seduction survey (see separate tab above) is now open. The aim of the survey is to try to understand what are the factors, tendencies and behaviours that are conducive to an active sex life in modern long-term romantic relationships. The survey is anonymous and takes about five minutes. I hope that the questions themselves will be useful to you as they cover a broad array of tendencies. Click here to take the
…“Love, at the very heart of a couple relationship, is a state that is often far from realistic – it can be full of idealisation, blurred boundaries, fantasy and illusion”. Julie Friend
Finding who the other really is often brings surprises, some of which are gratifying whilst the others challenging. And so, it seems to me that love alone is not enough for a fulfilling relationship – what is required is that we recognise and respect a sense of purpose in the other that is beyond the relationship, that we cherish the other’s deepest values and dreams.
…In an article in the New York Times, the writer Jonathan Franzen wrote that “the prospect of pain generally, the pain of loss, of breakup, of death, is what makes it so tempting to avoid love and stay safely in the world of liking. And yet pain hurts but it doesn’t kill. When you consider the alternative — an anesthetised dream of self-sufficiency, abetted by technology — pain emerges as the natural product and natural indicator of being alive in a resistant world. To go through a life painlessly is to have not lived”.
I believe that the capacity to connect
…Every relationship has hidden promises within it, ones that are seldom talked about. During the lifetime of every relationship, some of these promises are kept and some are broken. If we don’t talk openly about the broken silent promises we risk behaving like two warriors fighting each other with invisible weapons.
…A quote by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
“If you treat an individual as he is, he will remain how he is. But if you treat him as if he were what he ought to be and could be, he will become what he ought to be and could be”.
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