Few are the concerns in human behaviour that can be measured in binary terms, that is, either/or situations. And fewer are the recoveries that psychotherapy can offer that can be measured in binary terms, as in: I had a problem, now I don’t.
Many concerns can be measured on quantitative scales or continua, bearing in mind that for each person there will be a different cut-off point in which a quantitative change will become a qualitative one as well.
Anger and depression are two good examples that I hope will clarify my point.
For someone who struggles with anger or rage, eradicating anger is neither possible nor desirable – there are moments in life at which expressing anger can be useful. What the person can do is learn to understand his or her anger, the meaning of it, how it has become a way to communicate through – for some people the preferred way, and how a broader repertoire of communication styles can lead to richer relationships. From this perspective, anger is no longer a switch you flick on or off but a collection of behaviours that can be adjusted. Thus, getting rid of anger is no longer the goal, the goal becomes a person’s activities and choices.
Anger, especially when associated with aggression, carries ambivalence in modern culture. In sports and business for example aggression is rewarded, there are areas in life which you need to approach with a healthy portion of aggression and fighting spirit. Anger is a tense inner state of frustration that will always recur and it must not be swallowed and bottled up. People who always keep their feelings under control can easily lose their liveliness and honest interactions. Most importantly, anger allows conflicts to be resolved.
Some quantitative shifts and adjustments on a person’s ‘anger scale’ can lead to an overall sense of cumulative improved quality of relationships and wellbeing. Maybe there is no final triumph, but every time we manage to turn away the urge is a victory.
Looking at depression through a similar lens, we can speak of it as a spectrum, on one end we see people who function despite feeling depressed and on the other those whose experience is so debilitating they can’t get out of bed. In between these two points there are different strengths of depression. A person may well feel the different strengths within one day, a week or a month. Mostly, this is not a solid experience but a fluid one. As such, getting rid of depression may not be possible, what seems to be useful is focusing on the movement and fluidity of the experience with the understanding that some periods will be better than others. Then again, maybe there is no final triumph but daily victories along the way.
Human behaviour seen as flowing rather than a solid state naturally allows for more movement and therefore choice and it shifts our focus from targeting a certain behaviour as the enemy, it’s a shift from results to action.
Because we cannot normally identify a clear beginning or ending of any given behaviour, labelling someone as angry or depressed impoverishes their experience and robs them of the potential to become greater than their symptoms.
